Why Do You Abandon Me ?
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after taking my ic pic ..
just came back from my religious class .. was scolded because im late .. before that , went to Bestfriend ferra's crib .. and studied there as my dad was at home .. just cant study when he's at home .. and cant go out again .. so , headed off to ferra's crib . was stressed up with the new maths topic .. called aisyah , my classmate to teach me and thenn , got expert with it . hahah . surf the net and thenn , went home ..
Last night , talked on the phone with Bestfriend Ferra .. we gossip , share advices , opinions and laughed out hysterically till 2 plus when we put down the phone coz ferra's cordless phone ran out of battery ..
Yesterday ... Something happened . it has been 2 days in a row since i always got a bad dream . i talked , cried .. all when im asleep . its kinda weird , i know . My family went to grandma's place and on the way .. i slept at my maid's lap .. i fell asleep and was woken up by maid after a few minutes ..
"sha , kenape sha nangis ? sha mimpi ape ? "
i felt astonished to see my tears running through my cheeks drastically .. i woke up and wiped those tears away .. 2 minutes later , khairi texted me .. and he told me he's sorry about the ignorance all this while . i was blank at that point of time when before that message i was crying because i dreamt of him ! and its soooo weird .. my mind was blank . and i sat there thinking .. i dont know what im thinking but its all negative thoughts that i had in mind .. somehow , i felt something isnt right .. i felt the phobia when everywhere i went , it reminds me of memories .. somewhat , i felt scared .. i dont know why .. told ferra about this .. i knew im naive . easily got in a love trap .. i should have just treat this as a (TTM) for real . i should have learnt from my big mistake that ive done before all this .. but , my feelings went beyond it and that somehow , makes me feel hurt .. felt like a used doll .. its now that i realised , its all just my infatuations that brought me through all this .. i shouldnt have taken it seriously .. end up , im the one feeling hurt .. the blame is to put on me , i admit .. i dont wanna fall in love again after what Muqaddis did to me , but .. i thought to myself .. i know that im worth someone and that ive found that someone .. but , its getting to a fast move to confess .. and i regreted confessing my feelings .. i shouldnt have did that .. my mind now , is full of regretion plus those negative thoughts ..
Called haikhal and told him everything about what happened and what i felt .. he adviced me and i felt he got some point of it .. i tried to think positive and i felt better after that ..
i knew i could overcome all this .. im all fine here , anw . i just wanted to let out my feelings .. all that i had in mind right now .. felt the fear that someone you love might turn his way back was all im thinking .. it pushes me to a wrong side of thinking .. and im aware now , that we're friends .. nothing even more than that ... i know and i'll try to overcome this feeling towards you .. before at the end of the day , i felt its all worthless ..
i dint even regret the time spent with you because it seems magical and i felt overwhelmed when im with you . i hoped to spent those times with you again .. without even thinking about my infatuations anymore .. i will not , i'll try ..
I just miss going out with you to the swamp again .. i wished i could spent those times again with youu .. and im glad that you'll not ignore me anymore . i felt relieved :')
I MISS YOU :')
♥ Missin YOU @ 3:10 AM
