Why Do You Abandon Me ?
My days had been so monitored and controlled after the countdown thang .. and now , it happen again . haizz .. on the 17 Feb , when i was walking to school , i thought of skipping school .. and thenn , meet Ferra at afghan bustop .. all of the sudden , we got the same thinking .. ferra felt lazy to go school on that day too . tuesday siaa .. boringgggggggg ! hahaha .. thenn , we left and slacked near my blocks.. to wait for everyone at home to go work , we chilled .. thenn , went to my house and slacked till 11am .. went to ferra's crib and went cycling .. we cycled to pasir ris , downtown and back to tampines . its tiring though .. but , was fun after all .. thenn , met muqaddis at bustop . i LOVE making him pissed off .. hahaha ! with all my vulgarities and sarcarstic words .. haha . padan muker ! we continued cycling .. thenn , my phone rang .. and guess what , its from my dad .. i was like , " ?????" .
why he called me ? ive ensured with my friends about whether my form teacher will call my parents and they said , no . i trust them . and carried out with my plans .. my dad called me two times but i dint pick it up .. i was scared siaa .. ferra knows my expression :D hahahaha .. thenn , when its 1.20pm , i text my dad .. saying i just came back school .. when im cycling back to ferra's crib .. headed to her house .. thenn , slacked . called my mum .. whether she called me or not . she said she doesnt . i felt secure .. i tried giving my dad a miss call . later , after 5 minutes , he called me . and asked whether i went school that morning . i lied and said i came at 8.30 am that morning and dint attend maths lesson that is the first period . thenn , i told him i got a stomach cramp otw to school , and thats why i was late .. ahahha . what a lie ! thenn , he said ok . he called me again , later and said that my teacher had confirm with me , that i dint came school for the whole day yesterday . i was like "?????" no point . end up , i told him the truth . that i dint came school and stayed at home . thenn , he asked me to go home straight . skipped my track because of it . and thenn , waited him to come back from his work .. sleep , talked to ferra to lose the fear of my situation .. he came home at 8pm , i dint sleep well . he asked my sister to wake me up ..i woke up getting ready for the moment .. the moment where i can expect anything from him . i shivered .. my legs couldnt stood still .. but , i stand still and accept the fact ( daa uat hal , pandai2 uh) hahaha .. thenn , he lectured me . thenn , slapped me . and i counted it . 3 times !!!! cibai ! was astonished when he first slapped me . wow ! was my very first time someone slapped me for my 15 years of living .. and thenn , he asked me for my phone .. then , said that that my phone was the caused for my slackness .. he smashed my phone . and MY KEYYYYCHAINNNNNNNN !!!! fuck ! all gone siaa . left "S " .. the rest is all crashed into pieces . my birthday present siaa . i bought my phone by my own savings and he smashed it just like that . totally pissed off .. was like wtf ?? but , i chilled and try to calm myself ..
today , my brother find out all the bad stuffs i did . i knew her girlfriend whom i trusted most told him but he just kept denying .. i was like pukimak kaw kay ? thenn , he found out the crucial one .. i stole something from watson .. and that was the thing .. luckily , he dint lay his hands on me . if not , siala .. feel like running away from home siaa .. my life is so miserable right now !!!!!!!!
i wanted to feel freedom .. guess , its not the time . feel like changing because of the phobia they've gave me . but , to me , the more they lay their hands on me , the more i got on their heads coz after all , laying their hands on me isnt the solution of everything right ?? they cant change me just in one blink . they should have given me time to adapt something new . something that isnt me at all .. feel like ..haizz .. nevermind ..
in school today , Nabil , he's going to make a police report about me , ferra and a number of our chinese friends .. because i spit on his bag and dictionary ..hahahha . up to him .. im not even afraid kay (budak world !!) fuck k boy ?
thenn , ferra fought with ninz .. and so on .. blalablablablablablabla .. free show !
i felt soo boredd . i hate sitting at home and rot here ... i want to have some fun out there .. feel like drinking .. soon with ninz . on her bdae or before common test , i supposed . stressed up .. i want some freedom without getting caught , can? hahahhaa ..
gonna quit ma work soon .. as i need to be a good girl for the moment .. so there will be no camera's anymore .. fuck ! haha . so , therefore , endure for another 1 and a half years of being a good girl and and partaye as i want it ..
so , starting from Monday , not gonna be as what i am . try to be more decent .. try to avoid all the shits that ive been doing .. and and when im already 16 , right after my 'O's the first place im gonna step in is CLUBBING ! i dont care !
hahahaha . so tempted seeing people out there clubbing almost everyday . hahaha . what does it feels ? hmm , countdown was a mini one .. hahaha . it was fun , though .. all rounded by guys ... havoc people .. drinking , party .. its damn fun .. wish i could experience it again . but , after my "O's .. im sure if i sacrifice something , i'll achieve something in return .. so , i'll do it . recently , been sitting and talking with Afiah . and she motivates me to become a good girl . just stop changing and following the steps of minahs out there . i know . but , just give me some time . im sure i can do it to prove something . even though im changing to the worse , i know that ive got a talent in me ..
gonna quit my ncc too .. left track .. and im gonna stick with it for another 1 and a half year . i know i can . just run and i'll get the points that's needed ..
at work , i saw khairi .. we talked for awhile . glad that at least he asked me bout what happened to me .. haha . joke around with haikhal .. laughed our ass off while working ..
i realised now that im getting to the worse with all my actions and vulgarities .. im sorry to whom i did that .. all my stupid things to u guys .. i'll try to adapt the new environment .. being pretty much decent this time . avoiding all those problems and fights in school ...
and , thought of quiting smoking too .. i'll try to reduce and eventually stop it .. coz , i need my stamina back to run on track .. i need my healthy lifestyle back coz my health is getting worse . and before i got caught by anyone of all my bad things ive done , i'll stop it .
now , i need MONEY to buy a new phone .. after that , i'll try to keep it .. and dint use it so often at night ...
Sometimes , people change as time passed by without them realising .
So , its all the matter of time ..
♥ Missin YOU @ 10:30 PM
