Life is getting worser as it had be .. Couldnt even realised that everyone saying im getting to my worse . my dad was so nice to me yesterday , he asked me hows school and stuff like that . asked me whether i need a tuition . and he wants me to get a one to one tuition . and thats so expensive . but , he said nevermind . he can afford it . i realised that after all the beat up's , actually they still love and care for me . he even asked for the VERY FIRST TIME , have i eaten . and i was so touched .. he even look at me while i did my english composition . he even talked to me about novelist and stuff coz he knew that i dream to be an english novelist when i grow up . Last night , my mum came back home and asked my maid why she cooked late .. thenn , my maid was afraid to lie and cover my bad things , she told my mum .. that my brother scolded me about all the things ive done . luckily , she dint tell my mum everything .. PHEW ! thenn , she told my mum about the smoking thingy . i was awakened by my mum because she threw my bag back to where i always put it .. i was like why she checked my bag ? i got my lighter inside my bag . for my 9 years of schooling , she never check my bag .. i asked my maid .. and she told me everything . i was like " ARGH !!!" if my mum were to tell my dad .. im goin in deep trouble .. haiyoo . thenn , after she took her shower , she called me .. she talked to me .. and asked why i became like this . when she said that she want all her children to succeed in life and when i saw her tears started to drained her cheeks .. my eyes became watery and i cried as i vented the feelings of regrettion .. ive made her cry for 3 times already . i felt useless and guilty .. i should have made her far happier .. because i knew her expectations towards me is high coz she knew that i can succeed in my studies .. i was speechless to see her cry .. trying to talk but her voice was not even clear . i couldnt bare seeing her like this . i hugged her and i promised to her not to do all this anymore .
last night , i cant even sleep upon thinking of this .. i felt miserable . some changes need to be made towards myself . she knew about me smoking for the second time and she dint even lay her hands on me or tell my dad about this .. i promised her once and i broke it .. now , im not gonna break it anymore . I always hated my mum but i dint realised that all this while , she's the one who always cover up all my bad things from my dad . i felt so bad ..
MOMMY , I PROMISE TO BE A GOOD GIRL THIS TIME .. I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING THAT U DISLIKE ANYMORE .. AND , I WOULDNT MAKE U CRY BECAUSE OF ME ANYMORE .. I COULDNT BARE SEEING U CRYING OVER ME , COZ ITS NOT WORTH IT , MOM . U DESERVE MORE . AND , MOMMY , IM REALLY REALLY SORRY :'(
♥ Missin YOU @ 5:41 PM
My Tears ; My Broken Heart ♥
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